hollaback_
Sunday, March 26, 2006
the
hung up - get together - sorry opening trilogy on
Confessions on a Dance Floor chronicle the start and end of an obsession. absolutely applicable here. what a smart woman, she is.
mike just took up your time at
1:53 pm
Saturday, March 25, 2006
this is one of those times, when i wish i was a bleeding girl. (no pun intended) admittedly, these times don't come often. but when they do it really seems like the grass is more verdant and luxuriantly green on the other side. gah. right now, i just have crappy shit grass to contend with. not good, not good at all.
blogging about the army these days is not only boring, but potentially fatal. an expose threatens to explode through my hands, but i value my future more than my idealistic journalistic tendencies this time. BMT was all fine and dandy to talk about, but i need to watch my words more these days so- zip.
in any case, i have this suspicion that i'm going to end up as an empty shell of a human being by December08. scared into being a mindless drone with no heart. perhaps that would be physical manifestation enough. what you see is what you get, you can't sweep that under the rug. it would probably be too late by then. even if i broke it down into stages of a few months here and a few months there of different training programs, it's fucking long!!
i guess there really isn't anything worth talking about then, since censorship has now become an absolute prohibition.
maybe later.
mike just took up your time at
7:31 pm
Monday, March 20, 2006
still packing with the end nowhere in sight.
applications not done yet either.
yet all i care about right now, is the desire to call you
mybaby.
someday you will find mecaught beneath the landslideyou'll wake up one daybut it will be too late
mike just took up your time at
1:20 am
Sunday, March 19, 2006
things i have done in the past few days1 watched
Army Daze, thanks to dear K. great acting, but a disappointment with regard to the show's being true to life and therefore unreliable claims of "research being done to make the show more true to today's army"
2 rushed scholarship applications which i think was an utter waste of time since i haven't gotten any calls yet.
3 tried carl's jr. a tad overrated in my opinion, maybe i need to make better choices in the future.
4 came close to buying some nice books, but didn't because i thought borders would be cheaper than kino and i went to the latter first. kino was cheaper, but i was too lazy to go back again because my shoes were giving me blisters. borders is only good if you want a place to sit down, because kino has a much wider selection at better prices.
5 went to esplanade to check out Mosaic and laughed at this psychotic act cool guy who does choreographed mtv rock concert moves, and whose forehead kisses his organ. (fuck the last part sounds damn wrong)
6 briefly acquainted (about say 10 seconds) with a retard called Vanessa, whom i think i'll never be seeing ever again in my life, thank god.
7 plucked up my courage to do something, despite knowing that the chances of success would be almost nil. not giving up though. not now, not ever.
8 went clubbing and got drunk; no details given not because i don't remember a thing, but because it's not prudent to.
9 dentist's review; good to know that my diligence and discipline with my retainers is paying off.
10 ian's birthday party thing which was also a chance for the platoon to catch up and talk shit. watched part of the infamous "tammy" video, which was a huge snoozefest. i wonder if the guy feels relieved or disappointed that no one even gives a hoot about him, since everyone's just obsessed with his really ugly ex-girlfriend (while we're at it. she has no boobs, and the part where he was working on that area looked like a gay sex video). it must be pretty sad being an unknown amateur pornstar, fading back into middleclass obscurity. at least tammy has the option of going down the same road as annabel chong. then again, an imbecile who goes "ew! i see blood" probably doesn't deserve any fame (or infamy) whatsoever. don't mind me, just musing.
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my template's screwing up and that is making me a very unhappy boy indeed. how are people going to tag! or link to other blogs! or access my archives! ):
and i must say that i never knew pop culture could be so educational! seriously, you think many people knew what "vendetta" or "emancipation" meant before natalie portman shaved her head and mariah carey decided to be a screaming comeback queen? or how about "vindicated" and "prerogative". this is so unfair. this is why i do not like pop culture. what's the point of being educated when un-educated half fucks can learn things by the graces of some random, slutty pop tart.
why "vendetta" anyway? why not "viagra" or "vagina"? or even "virginfuck" or "vasectomy"? i think hollywood should just stick to selling sex instead of cheeminology. works much better.
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tomorrow, it finally begins. BMT was good cos everyone was still together in one place, and it felt like a home, in an odd way. seeing all those familiar faces was comforting.
now, with most of the guys going to command school and the remnants scattered all around singapore, it's going to feel much more alien and lonely. apparently, travel time to where i'm supposed to go to will clock about 2 hours. not very good when i'm supposed to report at 8 tomorrow.
i know i'll make new friends and everything will end up fine, but it's just very intimidating at this point in time. this is where the real NS begins.
mike just took up your time at
5:11 pm
Saturday, March 18, 2006
if you're ever gonna get drunk, do so in the privacy of your home. not outside.
i would like to expound on what i've just said but the explanation would be too funny/embarrassing to be published in hard, tangible words. ask me, if you're curious. haha.
will blog more later. ugh, too many things to do, too little time to finish them!
mike just took up your time at
4:39 pm
Friday, March 17, 2006
grow up and get lost.
mike just took up your time at
5:45 pm
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
amused.
brian was complaining to me last night, on the graces of his precious handphone battery, about his predicament in camp. as a new enlistee, he was rudely shocked to find that not only is he the only RJ student in his platoon - he's the only one from JC! oh and while we're at it, he's the only A level graduate in his company. then again, there's only one platoon in his company at the moment, but that's not the point. it was meant for grandiose effect.
now, if that happened to me i think i would probably stab myself with the nearest bayonet - a la Portia in
Julius Caesar, since i don't want to die but just be on Attend B for about say, 6 months or so. or maybe not. i wouldn't want to be a damned recruit for my whole life on BMT recourse forever.
"why are all the songs here about death and genitalia?!"he was also going on about the terrible food (what's new), like the rice being hard, and the tea in the morning tasting weird (i do agree, it's too sweet. but the milo and horlicks taste worse). he also did a Jerri (V. Survivor 2, Australian Outback) and expressed his cravings for
scones in the morning. and how the first thing he's going to do when he gets out is eat a proper meal, such as Crystal Jade.
which company are you in?
oh, Scorpion. which were you in?
Raven.
that's so inauspicious! well i think the name Pegasus is really silly. what do you think?i think they should rename the companies.. like Prosperity, Fortune and Harmony......you do know that this is going onto my blog, right?brian, when you do read this, everyone else would already have. =P
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myheritage is really funny too.
according to the first picture i submitted, i am
64% Janet Jackson
60% Jennifer Garner
53% Charlize Theron
51% Lee Young Ae
51% Michael Caine
according to the second picture i submitted, i am
73% Kate Beckinsale
62% Ben Affleck
61%
Josh Hartnett ( wooot! [= )
61% Katie Holmes
60% Jessica Alba
58% Adrien Brody
i tried a few others and got some random interesting entries such as Carrie Underwood, Nicholas Tse, J K Rowling and get this - Gong Li.
Thrice.
i always knew i had rather feminine features. must've been a vindictive geisha in my previous life, though some would claim that's what i am now.
mike just took up your time at
12:39 pm
Monday, March 13, 2006
after the "24k", the skin that sloughed off the sides of my toes has grown back in an ugly, haphazard way. there's also a blood clot on the sole of my right foot which i can't be bothered to get rid of, since it's not killing me. random, unnecessary revelation of the day! (:
anyway, when i went for NUS' open house last year, there was no method to my madness, and it only served to put me off being matriculated there. but now, times have changed and in all honesty, i don't mind at all except for the fact that it reminds me of a gigantic, labyrinthine version of the RJ Mt Sinai campus. which just doesn't appeal at all. but i have faith in its academic rigour - and it goes easy on the pockets.
SMU's got a really nice campus and that would be a bigger factor of consideration than their academic programs. you may laugh, but i really believe that the environment plays a big part in learning. this is why i had absolutely no mood to study in J1. i know many people hold fond memories of that rundown junkhouse but i was more than happy to leave the dingy dank darkness. how can an institution inspire academic pursuit when its very being inspires soporiferous tendencies . the only problem with SMU is that its campus sprawls out in the damn city, so you don't know which building is part of the school, and which isn't. even though NUS sprawls too, at least it's all confined in one place. i had a hard time finding out where the open house was when i visited SMU, so there's a negative point for it.
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| The Movie Of Your Life Is A Cult Classic |
Quirky, offbeat, and even a little campy - your life appeals to a select few.
But if someone's obsessed with you, look out! Your fans are downright freaky.
Your best movie matches: Office Space, Showgirls, The Big Lebowski
|
yeah, i always figured i was an emo indie flick waiting to be discovered, a diamond in the rough. it ain't glamorous, and something only a few people appreciate fully.
mike just took up your time at
8:41 am
Saturday, March 11, 2006
sometimes, i
feel act like a bulimic slut. i kid you not.
oh and aggression is never overrated. it pays to be a forthcoming go-getter, not an indecisive pussy. i'm moving on to something else... sort of.
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what's up with all these search results that i see by teachers from my alma mater(s)? you won't even know who i am! i've never been taught by you i probably just made some random passing comment about you. and the best thing is, i'm not even in ri or rjc anymore so uh- i highly doubt i'll be talking about you ever again. toodles, auspicium melioris aevi!
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you won't even begin to understand how Happy i am that the bluetooth on my phone is working perfectly fine again. finally, an actual use for the camera phone.
mike just took up your time at
3:39 am
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
POP loh! having my birthday fall on the day i POP was good, not only for practical, birthday-dinner-with-family reasons, but also because it's highly symbolic. to be older, and promoted at the same time. i do feel i've grown stronger, physically and mentally. i've achieved some things i never dreamt i would before i became a soldier. and i've definitely learnt to appreciate exercise. yeah, it makes me look better but that really isn't the point. it contributes to mental fortitude, really. as elle woods in
legally blonde said, "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy". and everytime i run, all that sad emptiness is washed away. or maybe i'm just too tired.
i guess it was a good present to be able to leave that funny little island, and all the fixed timings of entering since access is only available via ferry. it feels like a graduation of sorts, onto other things. but not really. normally, it would be moving on to bigger, better things (as well as paychecks) but since i ain't trotting over to OCS, i'll be toddling to some random unit, and that doesn't strike me as very comforting. at least previously, the mire was contained, it was like this happy little world. very artificial and manufactured, but still. contained and secluded on a separate island. there was something exclusive about it. mainland units, on the other hand, are so close and yet so far from everything we would consider near and dear to us. it would probably be like being stranded in a sea of quicksand. it sucks and pulls you in slowly, but there's no end to it.
i think i can begin to understand why the commanders always say that BMT will be the best part of NS life. meaningful, i'm not so sure about, but memorable it is. just hearing stories of life after BMT are enough to freak. going through the grind for 1.75 years seems like a really long drag. i don't think i'm really looking forward to it.
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anyway, being 19 is a funny thing. it isn't a landmark age. it's not like sweet 16, or reaching some form of adulthood at 18, or 21. neither is it the big three-oh, which i'm still some time off. it's an odd number, and it's a prime number. it's really neither here nor there. not an adult, but not really a teenager either. nonchalance surrounds my birthday, aside from the fact that some people, thankfully, still remember and offered me presents which they are unfortunately unable to pass me unless we meet up.
debs did put it into perspective for me though - " Enjoy the last year of your teens "
this will be the last year that my age ends with "teen". from then on, there's no such thing. i think i never really enjoyed my teenagehood enough. i went out, but not that often. never really partied. never really did stayovers. never really had 'brothers'. i never had some kind of wild fling-a-ding-a-ling, going "i love you baby and i wanna be with you forever and ever and ever and-" and end up breaking up three weeks later. i haven't. i haven't done enough stupid things yet. actually, i have but they're not for public consumption. in a twisted way, i haven't been hurt enough yet. and there's something wrong about that. because a sheltered, vicarious life is a virtual life.
and my life won't be complete without hurt.
so here's to a last year of sanctioned stupidity and suppressed maturity! more puppy love and crazy crushes for me, because pretty soon i'll just look really pathetic engaging in such behaviour. acting one's age is such a cliche, one should act one's age group. age is just a number, but whoever really believed in that?
mike just took up your time at
11:30 pm
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Games Day and Recruits' Evening weren't too bad, although it's kinda funny how i felt tired despite not doing anything at all. must be all that standing around in the sun. MDC's performance was.. frenetically energetic to say the least. but somehow it reminded me of the thai mambo show that i watched when i went to thailand. not really sure if that's a good thing, even when you disregard the lower (but still present) level of tackiness.
graduation parade rehearsals have degenerated from shittiness to laugh sessions because of the guy who repeats himself ad nauseum. "let me tell you this! you must be like a matchbox, not an MRT train! if you don't do it well, let me tell you this! i will make you stay back until dinner, let me tell you this! you better not
peng san, if not your girlfriend and family will be embarrased, and then they can go to the medical centre to put on your jockey cap, let me tell you this. so let me tell you this, you better play with your fingers and play with your toes, because if you are not good let me tell you this, i will put you behind, so that no one can see you, let me tell you this.. you hear for yourself! where is the
PAH one sound. i don't want to hear
PAH PAH PAH PAH PAH"
you get the picture.
24km march was apparently 27.2km. not like we could have ascertained it, anyway. but it definitely FELT more than we should have done. it was quite the experience. i mean normally route marches are gruelling affairs but there was something more magical and special about this. maybe because it was done school level, so to see all the companies marching back into the parade square past midnight was rather emotional, seeing everyone complete the last barrier before POP. i almost cried! hurhur. "we start with 40, we end with 40." indeed.
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with regard to my results, some scholarships are definitely out of the way, although i would still be eligible for some. my results fall that way, anyway. i'm just not sure if that's the kind of thing i want to be doing for life. it's so hard to plan for your life, when it's a long journey that you walk alone. you've got to make all the preparations, but really no one ever knows what's really going to happen. my horoscope says that typically my ambitions are more personal than anything. which is kind of true. and i end up trivialising my career ambitions. not very smart there, but i'll work out something.
after all that procrastination, i guess i will check out brightsparks. no harm in doing so, anyhow.
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life is pretty much pointless these days. i used to not care so much, because everyone was stuck anyway. the results weren't out and everyone just went with the system of conscription or getting a tempjob. there wasn't anything else i could do, so keeping myself occupied was fine with me.
now that i have results that granted aren't excellent, but can still bring me most places, i don't want to be stuck here anymore. damnit, the girls will be studying soon and i'll still have more than a year of liabilities by then. highly depressing.
on a separate note, i think i've lost my bitchy side. someone was annoying the fuck out of me just now, and in the past i would have ripped him to shreds. this time i felt like i was just defending myself more than anything. mellowing, sometimes, is not a very good thing to happen. i feel like i'm growing old too quickly, there should still be some years of zest left in me. and even then, that's not an excuse. even really old people can be really
woohoo! sometimes. i need something.
famous faces, far off places, trinkets i can buyno handsome stranger, heady danger, drug that i can tryno ferris wheel, no heart to steal, no laughter in the darkno one night stand, no far off land, no fire that i can sparkthe face of you, my substitute for loveshould i wait for you, my substitute for lovethis is my religion.
mike just took up your time at
2:12 am
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
utterly insane.
nearly 60% of the school population achieving 4As.
as expected, i wasn't part of that distinct elite group. not exactly pleased with my results, because there were obviously some disappointments. but kind of relieved and happy. you would be too if you were me, considering the amount of effort put in as compared to others.
breakdown
english lit - i always figured that i would get an A at the end of the day, (arrogance i know, but a little confidence never hurt anyone) except after one paper during the exams when i felt really screwed up. i'm not sure whether i'm supposed to attribute this one to skill or luck, because i wasn't very diligent for lit.
history - i've hated this subject ever since i stepped into the gates of RJ, and to this day i have
piles of notes that have yet to be even touched, let alone read. added to the fact that i did a question that was out of the syllabus, i think i'm pretty damn lucky.
maths - the biggest disappointment, especially after all that effort at the last lap. but in the bigger picture, an encouraging end.
econs - one of the greatest miracle stories ever. aside from a single spark of brilliance for the very first common test in j1, i've never performed. of course, this success must be attributed partly to mrs tan as well as tuition teacher. but still! the most satisfying grade. my love for the subject is vindicated in this grade.
gp - another disappointment, although it could have been anticipated, unlike maths. i think the choice of essay topic was the nail in the coffin. a little bit here, and a little bit there in comprehension and everything's finished. an accidental atrocity, but oh well. could have been that number, but it was this number. it's all about luck, don't you know?
lit S - i had to shit halfway through the paper, and as a result didn't finish my essays. someone up there must be watching over me.
it's up to you to figure out what i got. i'm not really that much into direct, public shows of exhibitionism these days. more into the subtle. booking in soon, so i can only think about my future more thoroughly this weekend. whee!
mike just took up your time at
6:32 pm
the funny thing about me is that i can be the most thoughtful, caring person. and also the most heartless and cold. i tend to be shifting more to the latter though. and that's today's obligatory tearing down of any little reputation i have left.
results in a few hours time; just fuck me now.
mike just took up your time at
10:59 am
