hollaback_
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
ok this is such a bad time to update. right smack in the middle of commons with absolutely no hope of doing well. good luck to me. the countdown on my desktop shows 74 days, 19hours 44min to the first day of prelims. and the seconds just keep counting down. they don't stop. and in this weird fashion i somehow understand the tale of the water droplets eroding away a rock over time. i thought it was some rubbishy geog/science thing, but really it isn't.
anyway, never thought i'd say this but shakira's really good, especially her native tongue stuff. spicy! on a whim, i downloaded la tortura, and this
review of the video's pretty funny as well. or maybe it's because the song's just not english. there's something very rigid about the english language. if one were to consider the imponderable bloom, the english language's the closest thing to the machine in EM Forster's
The Machine Stops, where only
nuances of our expression and feeling get through.
meaning just filters out.but what do you expect, english comes from britain, the land of prudes and anal-retentive farts. i feel like english is so standardized. in the chinese language for example, there are at least three different terms each for "uncle" and "auntie". they can all be further permutated into other forms as well, with a tweak here or there.
(taken from
Shakira's official website)
"Sometimes songs come to me in English and sometimes in Spanish. Most of the time I let the melody suggest to me the language the song should be. The albums are totally different from one another. Each has unique songs, melodies, lyrics and music styles."yup, and all the better stuff would be in the spanish album. [ever wonder why
Fijacion Oral is vol.1 (actually i doubt anyone actually cares) of a 2 part series and
Oral Fixation is vol.2 ?] it's more fun to play around with a non-english language. it's either more fluid-sounding, like french, or hard, like german. or sexy(/silly depending on how you look at it), like japanese. spanish is now the first language i must learn after As, even though it's quite useless in my life haha. perhaps i feel this way because i come into contact with english so much in my daily life now, especially after i dropped chinese last year, that it's lost its effect to me. couple that with the constant obsession with the meaning of words (in Practical Criticism, in Lit, in everything) that ironically they begin to lose them.
"I have always been fixated on words, words play a key role in my life, the communication itself... I sing everything I say, and I always end up saying everything I think about."this reminds me so much of maxine hong-kingston's
The Woman Warrior, yielding her "chink words and gook words" as weapons. however shakira pwns hong-kingston cos she didn't need to have her frenum cut, neither does she hold back whatever she has to say and hide behind countless vivid metaphors and imageries in a book that are so entangled like the "ancient Chinese knots" that they no longer make sense. shakira isn't confused about her identity either (so lebanese colombian is less confusing than chinese american? hmm. i wonder.) i guess even though they're both using words words, singing's not something that everyone can do. it doesn't hurt if you're hot too. i mean compare this
with this
no competition, there. back to the frumpy books and writing for you, if you can't look sexy in greasepaint (most of us'd just look stupid actually)!
---
rounding off, today brought a new low to the status of mooning. i mean, besides having a papparazzi video of a drunk britney mooning out of a limo and hearing a number of people insist that matthias did so as well last year (although i never saw it myself) i've never really had any up-close-and-personal experience with it. so imagine the shock and horror i experienced when i was exiting from a toilet cubible at toa payoh central today (was at the post office sending some stuff on the way home) from the sight of a fat indian man at the urinal directly opposite pulling his pants all the way down such that his HUGE bum (which is probably bigger than three times my head) was TOTALLY exposed. the worst thing was, it happened JUST simultaneously as i was opening my door. oooh, my eyes. that's probably the most disgusting thing i've ever seen in my life. i don't think anything could compare, really. though i wonder if he knew i was coming out of the cubicle. now if he were cruising, someone should sink that mothership before it attacks anymore other innocent people.
mike just took up your time at
7:19 pm
Sunday, June 26, 2005
i think i embody the true definition of a mugger. instead of studying
consistently over a period of time, i usually cram everything in within a few days, and then forget everything immediately after the exam. no wonder i can never internalise anything, and this process always repeats itself, time and again.
(click to enlarge!)
eh. this is vaguely amusing but highly disturbing as well. hrrm. the power and joys of statcounter. besides having previous search requests such as "bernice rjc daisy play" or "recipe 3 bena salad" i guess this takes the cake.. so far.
anyway, am somewhat annoyed by
campusmoblog's intrusion into and invasion of my phone, with its chat function and sms thing, because it requires your handphone number for registration. hence everytime messages are sent out (which i don't really care about) they pop up on my phone. the other day, i got 7 messages in a row for some stupid photoshoot for singtel's school blogging competition advertisement by someone with the user handle
songbird. after awhile though, it's not irritating but just stupidly funny. read this:
135813 JAMIEYEO: wow! you guys have clocked in blog entries every single day this month! Impressive! :)for the uninitiated, campusmoblog is this silly competition that's been set up to encourage blogging amongst students of singapore. apparently, blogging's a trend now (does that mean i'm a trendsetter since i started blogging since sec3?), so singtel and MOE are trying to capitalise on this "cool" fad to promote their own agenda insidiously by promoting it with lots of cash and prizes.
no offence to her (i always listened to her
say it with music show on perfect10 before my room got too messy to do any work in and i got too lazy to turn on the radio anymore) but to me, there's something very wrong about the phrased "clocked in". it sounds very much like CIP hours. everything we do nowadays is just for the sake of moremoremore and getting an unblemished record. it's the age-old question of quantity vs quality. i have no qualms about people embracing that kind of mentality for academic achievements, because excellence is what we should strive for anyway. but for things like blogging, this makes it sound like a mechanical obligation that must be filled up. ok, so if no one blogged for one day, does it make it any less impressive than a blog filled with insipid entries on the hour, every hour?
i'm not so sure myself.
mike just took up your time at
6:03 pm
Saturday, June 25, 2005
if i screw up my commontests, i can only blame myself.i tell myself that, then continue to do anything but study.
mike just took up your time at
5:15 pm
Friday, June 24, 2005
can long-distance relationships work?
i wonder.
the internet can only do
so much.
(in other news, bloody menu button on ipod mini has suddenly gone kaput on me, leaving me stuck with a 7-track playlist. when you have 379 songs, that's not a very accurate representation. and it's a crippling blow, because on such a simple interface as such, taking out a quarter of it is akin to jarring an engine on a jumbojet. lately, it has also been mysteriously turning itself on.... damn, shouldn't have dropped it those few times.)there's nothing a little synchronisation with the computer can't do.
mike just took up your time at
5:00 am
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
i am thrilled!
Shot in the arm for S'pore writersif it's really as great as it sounds, then i won't have to pillage rare and unavailable local books from the school library
anymore(i was just intending to, haven't actually done that. yet.) by pretending that i lost them (and pretending to pay begrudgingly whilst actually shouting for joy in my heart thinking how thrilling it would be to pull out the borrow-chop sheets and the barcode)! yay for local works, fetishism for them imbued in me by mrs albar a few years ago, heh.
and the
turn on "what i'm listening to" function on msn 7.0 doesn't just work for windows media player like the help instructions claimed.. amazingly it works for itunes too! omg yay! this is good considering eugene suggested that it would be impossible for itunes to work since it's by Apple and msn's by Microsoft, so the detector wouldn't be able to work yada yada. but well, luckily he was wrong! just cos they don't say so on the instruction doesn't mean it can't be done! yay! good news for narcissistic exhibitionists like me!
i seem to be doing this
yay thing much too often these days. must be some kind of regression back to the himbo days.
mike just took up your time at
11:42 pm
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Classmate of Mine Who Refuses To Be Named solves the mystery of the thai pingpong pussy..CoMWRTBN says:btw i came up with pingpong pussy cld mean
u know a guy has two balls...
so its like yeah
u get the pic?
m;ke drowning past regrets in tea and cigarettes. says:
OMG YEAH
HAHAHA
CoMWRTBN says:yup
im so smart
hahaha
m;ke drowning past regrets in tea and cigarettes. says:
haha you're just perverse
CoMWRTBN says:
no
it came to me last night
---
anyway, wanted to blog about this conversation i had with deb about
some girl about a month ago, but always put off putting up. i bet she forgot about it herself.
phish shape hole says:i have mixed vibes toewards her
m!ke says:what mixed vibes
phish shape hole says:i dunno whether i should hate her or like her
hahaha
it's like
u know
she's bitchy
and partyiy
and crazy
and very much like me
but she thinks u know
and i mean i dunno lar
i hate people who are like mehahaha
most peopel doand like she seems nice
but i dun like her
but that's an unfair statement
m!ke says:oh.. yeah that's true
phish shape hole says:yea
but she's like flirty and slutty
and eeww
and she [something wild and wacky which you'd probably do when you're inebriated]
when she was lucid
and i'm like fuck off lar
i don't really know what to make of what i was told.. but nvm that. what's important is the highlighted words.. reminds me of a litS lesson (i
do try to pay attention after hanging around for 3hours every friday afternoon) when mr mac (omg shit this reminds me of my undone essay) was talking about the "shock of other people's lives" or something. to find someone out there who is so much like us. and it's really scary, isn't it. we'd all like to think we're misunderstood, that we're alone and isolated. that we're the only ones the way that we are.
but it isn't really true is it. we're actually very much similar to alot of people out there. there's always that little bit that sets us apart from others, but GENERALLY it's the same. and when we finally accept that that is true, it is shocking. we want to be unique, but we cannot anymore. this is when that unjustified hate of others comes in.
how dare they be just the same like me. i thought only i was like this! hmm actually then again i haven't found anyone really similar to me. so, guess i can't really identify with that as yet. i wonder how identical twins survive. must be terrible, having someone who could literally steal your identity. and that love-hate relationship. hmm, bet that makes for plenty of hot, heavy, incestuous sex.
mike just took up your time at
12:40 am
Monday, June 20, 2005
omg! i know the range of scores in my knowledge is just too narrow to make any comparison, but the only one i know so far that's better than me is 2250. not to say that mine is really good, but i'm just relieved. after writing a 3paragraph essay that rattled on pointlessly about CNN coverage of Iraqshite and Survivor (duh, if you have a wide repository of useless knowledge on realityTV you jolly well better use it everytime an essay on media/TV comes up), thought i'd flunk it all but surprisingly decent, the scores. thankfully my proclamations about my math score were right. i'm repeating this again.. but YES i am relieved. the preparation i put it within those last few days weren't really wasted.. proving that if i work hard things'll be alright. besides the horrendous writing section. now we all know that i'm really a pseudo arts student.
06/2005 SAT Reasoning Test
Critical Reading 750
Math 800
Writing 660
Multiple Choice 64 (score range: 20-80)
Essay 10 (score range: 2-12) EEPS. just found out that bertram got 2390/2400 OMGWTF!!
mike just took up your time at
5:42 pm
Sunday, June 19, 2005
hmm well just got back from thailand about an hour or so ago. a really short trip by any standards, but i enjoyed myself pretty much. though it could have been much longer.
well what can i say. the thais are really cute, in both the "aww so kewt!" and "omg i wanna fuck you" ways. what's been said of them is quite right, they are very sincere and polite. wonder why no one employs thai maids. you only hear of indon or filipino but never thai. hmm. someone's got to do something about that i guess. i think i shall rescue a thai kid from poverty next time. like adoption, or like to be my maid or something. that's assuming i actually strike it big next time. they're such nice people they deserve better. but their way of life is getting better.. they have the ability to make it to singaporean standards. it's really quaint.. that mixture of modernisation and traditional old ways.. of starbucks and roadside stalls outside them.
their language's really soft and sing-song. and most of their english is really lilting and spoken in a hesitant manner. i am guilty though, of falling into the trap of thinking that anyone with bad english is stupid, because i don't think they are. but prejudices remain, and ever so often i have to brush those biased feelings away. i think i had this "lost in translation" moment whilst i was exploring siam plaza on my own and wanted to ask what the name of the building was. by gesticulating and strategically choosing the right words i got my answer from a store keeper. yay for universality of comprehension amongst mankind!
anyway, the cabaret i watched on the first night was hilarious. they aren't really that good actually.. acting's not that good. they lip-synched and their dancing's not superb either. but well, really found the sleazy setting interesting. it's like a cinema playhouse thingie, and you have tables with dim lamps in front of you, on a lower step. but it's quite sad in the sense that their house music sounded suspiciously like one of those stupid compilation albums from 4-5 years ago. and the songs weren't very up-to-date either, the most recent one i think i can recall was ketchup song, which was still 2 years ago. this means they've been doing the same routines over and over again every night. which must be pretty boring. but they were very forthcoming in their sluttiness, so good for them. found the funniest one a really fat man/woman/trans/whichever it doesn't really matter. the announcer sounded like some sleazebag owner a la Harold Zidler in moulin rouge.
ok, i just feel really sad for them. near the end there was this little piece where they all split up and each cabaret member shook the hands of the people of the row they were assigned to. they appeared to be very thankful for each and every audience member's presence. i would be too, i guess. i know what performers feel like. but this is more real, something so degrading and for a livelihood too. but well, at least they have people they belong together with, a whole band of "sisters" to stick to. and i know now why gigolos are called "ya1", or duck in chinese. i mean after all these were mostly guys turned girls but still guys ultimately anyway. yeah. after the show they were all standing outside the entrance trying to solicit us for photographs. and with that singsong language warbled through half-removed adam's apples, they really sounded like a gaggle of ducks. and they're not all really pretty either. some looked like badly made-up men. and i mean. i dunno. i'm just curious about their lives. so what do they do earlier in the day? do they have love lives? what? and are they really happy with their choice? i don't think i'd be very glad with self-inflicted castration. worse still, when they grow old. what happens then.
anyway, on the second night i went to the night market at patpong, which is supposed to be their equivalent of geylang redlight or something. the wares there weren't very good, and i was hesitant to buy a lot of stuff. pirated, fake goods. i mean, although that is the point, it's always best to buy it without being obvious. fake things that aren't blatantly imitation wares. which is quite hard to achieve anyway. yeah so anyway it was just these few narrow roads where the roads were occupied with makeshift stalls, and both sides of the road were flanked with pubs and whore-houses. men outside holding out lists of services their girls could offer, which had really amusing names (they know alliteration too!) like ping pong pussy. i mean, what on earth is that!? naked girls playing table-tennis with their privates? oh well. anyway yeah, and the doors of all the bars were open, and less-than-perfectly-shaped girls wearing luminous bikinis were leering out amidst pole-dancing on bartops. all very amusing.
but that's life. you can either see it as a tragedy, which a lot of this is (a life of anonymous, lowclass whoring), or as a joke. much easier to take things that way. didn't really get anything for people. either couldn't find what they needed, or had no money to get them anyway. as it was, i didn't even have enough to get all the stuff i wanted. next time (whenever
that is) give me the money first. =)
nothing much else to say, except that i think they're really extreme people, in the looks department. they either look really good or really bad. and the guys in general have a better standard than the girls. and it's hard, because when you see an ugly girl in singapore you know she's an ugly girl. when you see one in thailand, you're not sure if it's a she or a shim.
ugh. and oh. a rant about SIA. don't take their flights if you're flying short distance. firstly, you can't really enjoy the inflight entertainment system anyway. there's not much time to use it. by the time you're up in the sky and finished your meal it's time to come down again. and the staff are ruder, the kebaya girls aren't that chio as those on flights to america or some other faraway country. guess the less-experienced and lower-ranked crew are relegated to nearby regional flights since they have less to screw up on and can't be trusted to take on long-distance flights. the flight to bangkok sucked. stupid woman was impatient with us, didn't acknowledge me everytime i thanked her for something. and the man supervisor was the worst, appearing out of nowhere to snatch our trays from us saying "sorry plane is coming down already need to collect ah". okay, understandably they had to since turbulent weather (which REALLY freaked me out as LOST scenes flitted through my mind) had delayed the serving of lunch. but there's a much nicer way of doing it. flight back was much better though. and to end of this post, the thing that tickled me most throughout this whole trip was an audiobook on the plane for george eliot's
silas marner.
think i'll post some photos later.
mike just took up your time at
11:53 pm
Friday, June 17, 2005
whee. at the airport now using their free internet thingthings. but i don't like this uhm. lack of privacy haha. but i think it's pretty cool.
alrite.
wth. COULDN'T FIND THE CAMERA BEFORE LEAVING WTH.
ok uhm. and. don't watch shows like LOST before flying off. now i'm stuck with this niggling fear that either i'll be whooshed away into nothingness airspace as the fuselage breaks into two or worse still, survive after having a metal suitcase hit my head and shrapnel burst my abdomen, and then suffering from hysteria whilst screwing everyone's minds and psyches by my constant wheezing and huffing as i slowly fade away into death with a stupid moralistic doctor insistent on sticking to the hippocratic oath trying to bring me back to life, in between fading in and out of consciousness attempting to strangle female fugitives, and meeting a pathetic end with some stupid redneck hick shooting me but bungling it up by puncturing my lungs.
ok whatever. goodbye.
mike just took up your time at
10:13 am
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
a few days ago, my parents came back home excitedly telling me, "hey, we didn't know you wrote a book!" and i thought to myself
wtf, maybe i can write but i don't think any publishing house would actually take a chance on me. so i lazily asked "what book?"
the title of the book was "
Stealth Force, A True Story", with my name fully emblazoned on the coverpage in a gross fashion, because my statutory name is much too long for 1 line and hence was split into 2 lines.
at the back was this,
[my full name] is a young Singaporean who embarked on an extraordinary life in 2005. Opening in the author's home at [my address, including postal code] this book seves as an autobiography of the writer's experiences as a Naval Officer. Managing, motivating and leading men and women onboard state-of-the-art warships. Duties that take the writer around the world. It's a life full of excitement, challenges, and discoveries. A must-read for those who aspire to live life to the fullest. A no-holds-barred, pull-out-all-the-stops thriller."as much as i love my parents, i think age is taking a toll on the acuteness of their mental faculties. there was no way in hell i could ever have written that. first of all, i hardly doubt any publisher would make such a grotesque mistake as putting the author's name in 2 lines on the cover. and they don't put the whole damn name too. james lee who writes those horrid mr midnight stories as some local spinoff of goosebumps doesn't include his chinese name, neither does russel lee(?), the author of true singapore ghost stories. or even lately, jason hahn with his saffy and amanda tales on the local bookshelves. my point it, no self-respecting author would do that, it's just too weird. for crying out loud, not even maxine hong-kingston puts her chinese name there too. then again, she's almost an angmoh herself and not just cos of her white hair. secondly, my name takes up half the spine and the title of the book took up a measly fraction of it. thirdly, there were navy logos printed on the cover twice. fourthly, i'd be mad if i were to put my address on the cover of a book. fifthly, this couldn't have been a true story since i haven't even gone for my medical checkup yet.
i guess my parents were just so thrilled at the fact that my name was actually on a book that they didn't use logic and careful observation to deduce that this whole thing was just a stupid farce. inside, on the first page was written the line "if your life was a book, would anyone read it?" to which i answer in an annoyed manner, no. if my blog doesn't even get daily readership in the 3digit range, who the hell would read my whole life story if they can't even stop by for a teensy one day slice, unless i was madonna or something. and then again, maybe not.
apparently, all the girls get this stupid thing as well. and i'm like wot. i'm sure most of the girls are going for NS. i was vaguely interested when i realised that the book was some silly promotional propaganda by the navy, in the wake of the army's DIY figurine we got some time ago. i thought there'd be lots of info inside, photos or something. the pages were all blank. it was supposed to be some notebook thing, which is really hrrrm. i don't want to risk getting into some other DSTA-esque shit scandal by criticizing a governmental branch, but really. was the amount of money pumped into printing all those copies of this book worth it? on one hand, i applaud the effort they're taking to reach out to us and all, but this looks like overkill, done in not a very polished and well thought out fashion.
---
i'm suddenly reminded of samjo's rubik's cube that i had to fix time and again during
saturday earlier on this year, as an analogy for our lives. when the block first shattered, i discovered that there was a central piece that had everything fitting on to it. each and every piece had its very own specific spot where it resided on. isn't that the way we work too? there're some things in our life that we hold true to our heart, that we hold dear, that everything ultimately revolves around. and what happens when you take the centrepiece apart?
everything crumbles.
this year, even though i find myself much more at peace with myself in a sterile campus that many hate but i adore, i discover that things aren't really that rosy as i thought they were. just as last year was the year of failure, this year's theme is probably going to be re-evaluation. in the short span of a few months, there've been too many revelations or events that force me to question what is truly important to me. too many disappointments. i don't know what i really believe in or trust anymore. the bond to things loosened, and what i truly thought was right and would help/save me or at least just aid in retaining my sanity amidst this mess we call life was suddenly all snatched away. but shit, it really came at a most inopportune time. i don't need an extra burden whilst i'm still struggling with other things. i mean fine yeah, find a new centrepiece since the old one is spoilt, but damnit! it takes much too bloody long to find one AND put back everything together again. then again, if you do it often enough it becomes very easy to do. i remember the first time i put the cube back together again i took almost half an hour, later i could do it within minutes. that isn't to say that i relish the thought of constant change, i'm very much quite resistant, as much as i'd like to think i'm adaptable. perhaps to situations, but not my personality. haha, my personality and character's never really changed. hmmhmm oh well.
this kind of reminds me of one of those sermons pastor whatshis/hername used to preach many years ago when i still went to church, something about making God the centre of your life because everything fades away but He's immutable and never changes.. something of that sort. maybe there's something in that after all.
you probably won't read this, although you could be another one of those phuckingphantom readers like they all are. what are you, who are you, i don't even know. it is frightening that i'm using a desperate housewives analogy to illustrate the scenario, but really. you were like the mike delfino to my susan mayer. you came from nowhere, and i thought everything was fine.
it wasn't exactly romance, you were just someone whom i thought i could always trust to make things alright. but no, to quote her "there's this whole part of you that i don't even know about", or something to that effect. so many secrets, that you keep from me. you're not open with me about anything. i don't know how i can trust you although i really want to. maybe you have your reasons, just like he did for keeping things from her like you are from me. but it's just really annoying, you know? i don't know how the show ends (and all potential spoilers sod off), but i think they'll probably get back together despite the adversity. real life isn't so nice. i don't think i'll ever rant at you in that way, you're too precious to me in just the same way that she still harboured feelings for him even after brushing him off. but i've done it all here, all mentally. all in words. i didn't have to confront you, i already have in my mind. i don't know how our relationship is going to develop from here on out but what i do know is that i'm finding it very hard to trust you, so very hard.
in the show, susan told her mom sophie that "mike was
the one", whereas her mom had been thru a string of people. and that's just it. i go through just one person without any other comparison and base everything on just that one person, which was what A (heh.) once told me not too long ago. i guess going through more kind of dulls the pain, since you're so used to it. there's no such thing as perfection, the perfect knight in shining armour coming to her rescue she thought she'd had was really far from it.
fuck, what's up with all these personal posts?
on a separate note, i'm going to thailand this friday. anyone want anything (obtainable) from there? although i'm pretty much expecting a nil reply, as i always do. i never get replies on this stupid blog. no one bothers to tag except the usual few.
mike just took up your time at
2:07 am
Friday, June 10, 2005
you just
had to do that, didn't you.
i hate you.----
anyway, am ambivalent about channel5's importing of LOST onto our local tellys. on one hand, it looks set to be an amazing series. i'm very surprised, i thought it was a mini-series. after all, how long can you sustain such a premise, dragging out an ordeal of being marooned. 3 plausible routes the show could go. 1, they get rescued eventually, making for a short little featurette. 2, they all die a la battle royale, or by natural causes. 3, they meet the klingons and start having torrid sex with the indigenous humanoids of the island, spawning off some weird new race where all the second generation kids are freaks except the black kid walt and the unborn 8month-old-baby who frightened a stupid bastardy chauvinistic korean man whom i thought was japanese for the whole 1hr45min.
but a full length season with seasontwo in the works?! wow. that really is amazing, gotta see how they prolong this. although i hope it doesn't become like desperate housewives which experienced a dip midway through because the writers lost their creative spark for awhile. on the other hand this isn't good cos i thought i could get down to some serious mugging after DH ends in about a month or so. looks like that's not going to happen.
oh, whoever said that one should never judge a book by its cover was wrong. would you buy a new book, or a tattered and torn version. wouldn't you like to have a nice cover? there are so many textures that a cover can have. i like nice covers with beautiful illustrations on them and all, not some crumbly shit. figuratively speaking, the books are really all the same. people in general are quite the same when you think about it. it's just a little bit more bitchy, or a little less clever. everything really balances out. it's just the way they're packaged.
sigh, am suddenly brought back to all the good old days of manymany yesteryears with vir's (don't think she'll ever read this though) sudden appearance on MSN, which seems to be about once every half a year or something. and i think of how much life has changed, and how many people have fallen off or come onboard the MEtrain (not a very good analogy actually, i sound like some loose whore) along the way. not many constants. but i guess that's how life works, and we just have to accept that. it's nice to be sentimental, but not overly.
himbo moment of the day:
mistaking
tan in "Bronze Tan", which was the sender's name of some junkmail in my inbox, as the surname.
mike just took up your time at
12:09 am
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
i was watching
mars attack! on tv the other day, and i remember feeling really disgusted with a churning stomach the first time one of the martian's heads exploded. not because of the grossly gory green brainjuice that spurted out but because i was eating mashed potatoes then.
anyway, people who complain and whine to me about the problems they face with others should just STFU and GTH. now normally i'm very accommodating and i listen pretty well to the troubles that people pour out to me, but not when they're doing the very same thing that they bitch about others doing to them. oooh. a little bit of direct karma in your face eh. i feel rather vitriolic typing this, and it's not healthy. but it's as good as it gets i guess. you deserve every single bit of the circumstances you're in now, what goes around comes around so really, don't be such a pussy about things. =)
heh. eugene and i find this really
rib-tickling! funny.
for a good laugh.anyway, i must say that 4 years.. and running. is no mean feat for a crush. not bad, not bad at all. perseverance.. or just sheer stupidity and inability to move on? then again, if said person is unattached, then DUH it's always good to keep the faith for as long as possible. you never know when a miracle might happen. when dumb hope finally prevails. i guess that always appeals to the inner romantic in all of us.
this love has taken its toll on me.You never fail to amaze me. and never fail to make me laugh, always. all the time. yes that's it.
Your mannerisms and all. everything about
You. i know the pattern, i know the type. i know the prototype. i know it, i know it all. everyday i find i understand my needs more and more. that is what i need and must have.
and girl, this ain't about you.
this is dangerous. dare i go further? rig the contest. and GO for it.
mike just took up your time at
12:58 am
Sunday, June 05, 2005
i suck at subtlety, really. maybe it's just this eagerness in me for many of the things that i get excited about. i get so caught up in things that i move too quickly, i can't control myself, i trip, i mess, i fumble, i stumble. (this reminds me of madcatwoman in 0zeroO1 last year who went
i tear i bite i scratch i kill or some other primitive ululation of the sort.) i guess after diplomacy and tact, which i've learnt alot about this year, the logical progression would be subtlety. there are many important lessons in life that we must internalise, and it's high time i became sleeker and more of a smooth operator in the way i lead mine.
i hate the SATs. the admission ticket said to be at the test venue by 7.45 because the test would start at 8. at 8, queues were just starting to form, people were streaming into the exam halls even till 8.30. really long-winded and pointless instructions resulting in the test finally starting an hour late, at 9am.
i'm beginning to see a certain degree of truth in the cliche "opposites attract". i mean i'm not sure if it really works two ways, because i don't have any personal experience in such sorts. but for my single self,
i had as lief not be as live to be in awe of such a thing as i myself i find that the case. for almost all my.. fancies, the people i've liked were always worlds apart from me. maybe it is right, that our partners (if any) should fill up all our inadequacies, and we theirs. that is why there is the innate desire to look out for someone who is not like us totally. for that would be just double trouble, 2 blind people rather than one blind and the other deaf, both complementing each other. then again, it is imperative that in differing, the pair do not differ too much. if there is absolutely nothing in common, then what can the relationship be based on? of course there is always chance, providence, the fortuity of it all or maybe just plain
chemistry, that heavily used yet hardly understood word. but in general there should be at least something that connects the two!
then again, what on earth would i know. philosophizing about something that i know nothing about and have no direct experience of, breaking such a magically mystical thing down into technical portions and mechanics. i can only gain my insights vicariously through my friends who, in their wide spectrum of intimate relationships reveal to me merely a glimpse of what it means to have someone who's always there for you (ideally, at least).
it is tempting, isn't it? to be desirous of such a connection to someone else. as people begin to pair off into their lovey-dovey sets in their own little worlds, i think i can feel a tinge of what adults left on the shelf fantasizing about blissful matrimony feel. imagine what it would be like if that was really to be my fate. i don't think i would be able to take it. but can i handle such commitment? i observe and see the amount of effort that goes into keeping the engines of love chugging along, and end up questioning myself if i'm capable or even have the capacity to sustain such demanding requirements, even in low-maintainence/key dalliances. to a person who gets bored easily and changes crushes every 2 weeks or so, that's asking alot.
but then again.
bernie / so long, and thanks for all the fish. says:
guess you fall in love too easily>> being in love and having a r/s
is really quite different.so maybe i'd have a different perspective to this whole thingbob when it actually arrives. since it doesn't come by easily, i'd probably cherish it like smeagol covets the ring *grins at eugene* solitude is fine, but too much of it can have negative effects. no man is an island. gosh, i think primary school teachers would love me (actually, mine did.) - i'm becoming this idiom-spouting machine, espousing the nice little pretty phrases that really do make alot of sense! why do you think they were dreamt up in the first place?!
ok, fuck. that was quite personal. zzz.
mike just took up your time at
1:05 am
Friday, June 03, 2005
i hate using blunt pencils. they make me feel as dull as them.
and i wonder why i'm doing the SATs when i'm probably going to flunk (as defined by not attaining the pinnacle of excellence that many singaporean brains seem capable of - and not literally, in the form of 3digit scores that is the average american grade.) them tomorrow. should have just gone for malay drama. urgh.
haven't bought my jacket that i wanted to buy yesterday, spent too much time looking around in borders for bena's present yesterday before the dinner, and most of the shops were closed by the time we were done at sizzler's. hurhur hope she puts the gifts to good use!
mike just took up your time at
10:59 pm
Thursday, June 02, 2005
| Your Element Is Fire |
Your passion and emotion are as obvious as the brightest flame. You make sparks fly, and your passion always has the potential to burst out.
You are exciting and creative - and completely unpredictable.
You sometimes exercise control, and sometimes you let yourself go.
Friends describe you as sensitive, spirited, and compulsive.
Bright and blazing with intensity, you seem mysterious and moody to many.
|
| You Are a Visionary Soul |
You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness.
Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul.
You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable.
Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings.
You have great vision and can be very insightful.
In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself.
Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend.
You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer.
Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul
|
hmm. how interesting. they seem to contradict. but i'm a mess of paradoxes to begin with so i guess it's understandable.
mike just took up your time at
1:09 am
(click to enlarge!)