hollaback_
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
POP loh! having my birthday fall on the day i POP was good, not only for practical, birthday-dinner-with-family reasons, but also because it's highly symbolic. to be older, and promoted at the same time. i do feel i've grown stronger, physically and mentally. i've achieved some things i never dreamt i would before i became a soldier. and i've definitely learnt to appreciate exercise. yeah, it makes me look better but that really isn't the point. it contributes to mental fortitude, really. as elle woods in
legally blonde said, "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy". and everytime i run, all that sad emptiness is washed away. or maybe i'm just too tired.
i guess it was a good present to be able to leave that funny little island, and all the fixed timings of entering since access is only available via ferry. it feels like a graduation of sorts, onto other things. but not really. normally, it would be moving on to bigger, better things (as well as paychecks) but since i ain't trotting over to OCS, i'll be toddling to some random unit, and that doesn't strike me as very comforting. at least previously, the mire was contained, it was like this happy little world. very artificial and manufactured, but still. contained and secluded on a separate island. there was something exclusive about it. mainland units, on the other hand, are so close and yet so far from everything we would consider near and dear to us. it would probably be like being stranded in a sea of quicksand. it sucks and pulls you in slowly, but there's no end to it.
i think i can begin to understand why the commanders always say that BMT will be the best part of NS life. meaningful, i'm not so sure about, but memorable it is. just hearing stories of life after BMT are enough to freak. going through the grind for 1.75 years seems like a really long drag. i don't think i'm really looking forward to it.
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anyway, being 19 is a funny thing. it isn't a landmark age. it's not like sweet 16, or reaching some form of adulthood at 18, or 21. neither is it the big three-oh, which i'm still some time off. it's an odd number, and it's a prime number. it's really neither here nor there. not an adult, but not really a teenager either. nonchalance surrounds my birthday, aside from the fact that some people, thankfully, still remember and offered me presents which they are unfortunately unable to pass me unless we meet up.
debs did put it into perspective for me though - " Enjoy the last year of your teens "
this will be the last year that my age ends with "teen". from then on, there's no such thing. i think i never really enjoyed my teenagehood enough. i went out, but not that often. never really partied. never really did stayovers. never really had 'brothers'. i never had some kind of wild fling-a-ding-a-ling, going "i love you baby and i wanna be with you forever and ever and ever and-" and end up breaking up three weeks later. i haven't. i haven't done enough stupid things yet. actually, i have but they're not for public consumption. in a twisted way, i haven't been hurt enough yet. and there's something wrong about that. because a sheltered, vicarious life is a virtual life.
and my life won't be complete without hurt.
so here's to a last year of sanctioned stupidity and suppressed maturity! more puppy love and crazy crushes for me, because pretty soon i'll just look really pathetic engaging in such behaviour. acting one's age is such a cliche, one should act one's age group. age is just a number, but whoever really believed in that?
mike just took up your time at
11:30 pm
th time!