hollaback_
Friday, December 09, 2005
by the time you read this, i'll be on tekong.
(you know, i always wanted to do one of those "message from the dead" things but at least this isn't as morbid, and God willing, i will return safe and sound.)
i must say i've got really conflicting feelings about this. in the days leading up to
enlistment conscription i've alternated between feeling excited about this new chapter of my life, and wishing i was a girl. my timeslot has no one i know going in, even after asking around. so it's good since i'll be knowing people outside the rafflesian circle (at last), and even if they're rafflesians i probably wouldn't know them. on the other hand it's quite intimidating. reminds me a bit of survivor where you need to form alliances quickly.
i'm glad i'm going in early because i don't need to plan out my days, and won't be wasting much time. there's not much you can complete in a couple of weeks. not a real job, or internship. just a lot of bumming around. but this is a bit too early. it's like 2 days after prom and it really isn't easy to be positive when you're inundated with feelings of regret, nostalgia, ennui and emptiness. well hopefully the emptiness will be filled by something then. just hope i don't turn back into a pledge-spouting, anthem-singing musclejock. (wouldn't mind the later part.)
thanks for all the goodluck messages and well wishes. i really need it. if you told me to take NAPFA now, i'd really be justifying my early presence in camp. it's that bad. well, at least the consequences of a sedentary lifestyle are finally catching up with me and the most important thing's that it's not fatal.
i hope i don't die. i'm not afraid of the ghost stories, or being posessed or any of those other nonsensical stuff you hear/read about. i'm more afraid of the real things. things that we know for sure are definitely bigger problems, not the possibility of the supernatural. anyway the place is new and renovated so they probably exhumed all the spirits already. it's just the things like. not being able to fit in. getting picked on by the officer. freak accidents while exercising/on exercises. realising it's terrible despite valiantly keeping up an optimistic outlook. (happened the past 2 years) i know all things come to pass, but before they do we have to experience them first.
going into the army is like putting life on hold. you're stuck inside, and the world goes on outside. the girl friends go into university, the brother and cousins grow up.. and what about oneself? metamorphosis? is that what you call it? quite an apt metaphor when you think about it. boys, grubby and gross. turning into men, mellowing with age and with the ability to fly off and take on the world. i think i should take a photo of me and the family before going in. it just feels weird to be in a sort of stasis, to be getting older yet not really. it's borrowing time yet stealing it from us all at once.
i'm so sorry i won't be able to post the prom pics until quite some time later. it took me some time just renaming them, uploading them online will take an even longer time. which is not a luxury for me right now. this entry was created hours before the publishing time (which is supposed to be my enlistment time), and i haven't even packed yet. so i'm pretty screwed in that sense. i really must get rid of this habit of procrastination and doing things last minute.
thanks for reading and i'll definitely be back to update. just don't expect any within the next 2 weeks at the very least. =)
mike just took up your time at
12:45 pm
th time!