hollaback_
Thursday, November 24, 2005
sometimes, i'd like to think that the past 2 years have just been one very long, extended nightmare. image building upon image. and it's like a bad remix. the final result always turns out worse than the original.
i think i can safely say that the theme of 2005 was Decline and Fall. ok, i don't really know what Evelyn Waugh's book was about but it just sounded apt. actually Fall From Grace would've sounded more impactful but we know that's not true since there was nothing great to tumble from to begin with. everything that could possibly get worse, did. what really improved? i lost a good friend. i gained some other friends, but i wouldn't exactly call them close. i gained several terribly unexciting and disturbing epiphanies about myself, which i won't go into detail here. i did something really stupid at the beginning of this year. which i regret wholeheartedly but i will never forget. and i might quite possibly have spoilt my future in the past one month.
maybe it's too quick to say anything. there's still about a month left to the year. but really, how fantastic could BMT/PTP get? and the reasons that got me all excited to be enlisted seem to be fading away quickly now. i don't know if any of these feelings are right anymore..
i guess i should just enjoy the remaining days of my civilianhood.
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just for the sake of future reference, and not your most probable malevolent voyeurism, i'll rank the papers that i did, from best to worst. then i guess i could see how close it tallies with my actual results a few months later. of course, these are all my own perceptions and may not match those of the markers'. just a little exercise in futility on my own assessment abilities. gets a bit hairy in the middle. only the top and bottom few are very certain.
Maths Paper 1
Lit Paper 8
Maths Paper 2
Econs Paper 2
Hist Paper 2 (i never expected to see this so high up)
Econs Paper 3
GP Paper 1
GP Paper 2
Econs Paper 1
Lit Paper 1
Lit Paper 3
Hist Paper 3 (what could be worse than doing a question not in your syllabus?)
as we can see, History and Lit are pretty screwed. Econs is a question mark. GP will be mediocre and Math has the highest chance of being my best subject. oh, the irony of it all.
and i really don't feel like taking S paper, the exam, next week. the lessons were great for interest's sake, but at this point in time a scholarship seems really impossible, and we all know what the S in "S paper" really stands for. what's worse, it's next tuesday, which is the absolute last day of the whole damn shindig. i really don't have the grit to do another paper anymore, especially one that seems pretty pointless. but i guess i'll go cos i paid money for it, i don't want to make my cert look any worse than it already is, and i'll enjoy doing the PC.
mike just took up your time at
2:30 am
th time!