hollaback_
Friday, November 11, 2005
my father walks into the room and sees me at the computer.
"whatever you do, just don't regret it."just fuck off already. the last thing i need now is some trite platitude attempting to guilt me into studying. that kinda shtick worked years ago when i was still a pubescent boy just embarking on teenagehood.
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i really shouldn't be here. especially after i spent 6 hours straight at the computer yesterday after math, MSN-ing my ass off. i mean i promised myself that after Math and it was rather therapeutic. but that meant no more computer-ing until next thursday! (cos friday is PC and you know. PC is PC. there's not much you can do about it)
but tomorrow's saturday so whatever. and i didn't log on to messenger. just going to.. continue feeling lonely here. i'm feeling grouchy that i can't go for the Confessions Party at Zouk tonight. i really wanted to go la! but i couldn't get tickets to that shmuckety exclusive event. and i couldn't really be bothered to dress up. oh well. my justification was that i needed to study which i didn't really do cos i slept instead but at least it's catching up on sleep debt.
i swear, falling asleep with your lights on assures you not having a good night's sleep. i did that two nights in a row for both Math2 and GP. and i paid the price for it because i "woke up" (you can't really wake up when you never fell asleep to begin with) at 0530 with a jolt to turn off the lights and sleep tight for just about an hour in darkness. ended up feeling really cranky after getting up and wasting precious minutes into the paper trying to fight the sleep. like the first fifteen minutes of compre were experienced in a state of wooziness.
GP. i always end up doing the general questions. it's like i've got some point to prove. especially if the question is something i believe in. like the Big Questions in Life such as the degree of control we have over our lives. honestly, i don't know why i picked it but on retrospect it was a very poor choice.
people do determine their lives yes. i had 11 other choices (ok actually only 4 cos i immediately crossed out rubbish like big businesses and research) but i just had to pick that. when i could have done something like art. or media. but no! i just HAD to jump straight into the trap that was so obviously beckoning. and i would say that on the contrary, there is very much a thing called Luck in the world. and i'm going to need as much of it as a i can get. so really, they both exist. you'd be dumb to assume neither was important.
this is so different from the O Levels when you kind of knew what you were going to get after you came out from the exam hall. this time there's really a lot of uncertainty swirling around everything. doing arts subjects without fixed answers doesn't really help much. and math itself being a total blindside means there's no certainty in it either cos Mr Tay said it was possible to get an A even with 70+ marks. (no, no more 86 thank goodness.)
i am not a perfect cert boy, that's for sure. smart, but not smart enough.
mike just took up your time at
9:32 pm
th time!