hollaback_
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Maths today. Bad with a capital B for the grade i'm most likely going to get. it all depends on luck though. where i end up on the normal distribution curve, more affectionately termed, "the bell curve" from O level days. i'm just trying to have faith in the general stupidity of singaporean JC students. and that i'm not as dumb as just enough people. the bare minimum.
i don't really feel bad about it. i'm selfish. i do want the A. and i don't want to know that i put in all that time and effort for a subject i'm not going to get A for when i could have funneled it into my other subjects. i'm not really feeling remorse. but that doesn't change the fact that it's wrong. wishing for others' downfall. reminds me of Robert Frost's
A Leaf Treader. others around falling to the ground, and the persona is just climbing and stepping on others. what a world we live in.
but just because RJ finds it hard doesn't mean a thing. what is hard to people anyway. "i didn't do 35 marks" or "i took 1.5 hours instead of my usual 1 today". and i guess it's a safe bet to say that if we find it hard, the lower end JCs should find it much tougher. having a few schools worth of near perfect scripts being a minority as compared to the majority of the nation who can't even hit the minimum 70 benchmark (and to think last year's A grade was a whopping 86.) is it enough? is the majority enough to offset the minority? and aren't we just glad for them? see? that's the kind of disgusting thing that pervades our minds. and we relish in it. "the only purpose of stupid people is so that we are smart by comparison". wow. and don't pretend you don't feel that way (unless you're one of the freaks who're gonna get full marks). especially all you people who probably aren't above 80-85% for your papers, averaging an estimated 70+%.
i had a carrie underwood moment today, during paper 2. you know, the new song. "jesus take the wheel". yeah. isn't it funny. how we desperately grasp onto anything when we feel like we're in a really bad position. anything goes. things we wouldn't normally do.
i don't think i've ever been so serious about the phrase "oh my god" until today.
thing is, i'm probably not going to turn on my heels and start going to church again after all these years. just not yet. i don't know. who knows, anyway. god is such a generic name. for all i know it might not have been the Christian one. unless it starts with a capital G. then it'd be a proper noun and not just any noun. and i don't know of many religions where the highest being wasn't looking for creativity but rather simplicity when self-naming.
but whichever faith you're from, thank you for your help today. i really couldn't have done it without you.
----
and some golden words from my mother.
"you're very bright michael. you're just very lazy. one of these days it's gonna be your downfall."i think it already has been.
mike just took up your time at
5:29 pm
th time!