hollaback_
Friday, September 16, 2005
prelims are almost over. well ok it feels like they've ended, but that's not true. there's still econs MCQ+DRQ+CaseStudy and S paper. the worst is over though, especially today's papers. i think the school admin was kinda silly to put 6 hours worth of writing at one shot. ok not really at one shot but still, lit and history in the same day?! (mr K wong : i know.. but we're on a tight schedule) after awhile i just got sick of writing, my hand ached and cramped, so i wrote slower.. and slower. i didn't bother to let my hand fly anymore. what was the point?
my prelims are going to be a huge joke.
sure, they won't be in the FUC(k)ED range (on second thoughts..) but i'm quite sure that they'll be the worst in my whole JC career. which is kinda funny, because by right it's supposed to be the best. i am relaxing now, the late nights have taken their toll. but i am definitely not looking forward to going back to school for post-mortem and the like, having teachers read out the scores and marks and knowing that everyone else improved by leaps and bounds because they actually bothered to study this time around but i didn't put in my full effort.. not only that, i don't want to have to hear the caustic remarks from one, nor have another heart-to-heart session asking me "wtf are you doing", or see the disappointment in another's eyes or in the tone of voice. i don't want to feel guilty that way. i know their paycheck is somewhat reliant on my results but you know. it's my life, i don't need emotional blackmail. i'm sorry, ok. but don't practice double standards and tell us that it's our life and that we're the ones taking the exam if worrying about your bonus is on the back of your mind. i don't want the insinuations and loosely dropped hints that i should drop a subject either, i just- gah i should have just studied harder.
well of course things might not happen that way because either (i) i was lying to mindfuck everyone or more likely (ii) God still cares for me despite my refusal to go to church for the past 3 years and He decided to give me a little surprise.
and there were a lot of times during the papers when my mind just went blank. now if you're in science, and doing physhits or something you could just randomly choose given values from the question to put in some formula dug up from the recesses of your mind, and everything'll be fine. no such luck in the humanities. you can't rewrite history, create literature, or magically derive economic theories. bah. some time ago i told derrick how lousy i was in macroecons, and that i was better at the micro aspect of the subject. he was surprised, almost disbelieving. he thought that it was an arts student's thang to be better at macroecons. guess maybe i really should have taken science after all huh, especially without that scholarship..
"you're not readyyy"
---
but, i made it through the day thinking of
Survivor that i could watch at night! and the Guatemalan ruins are pretty cool, especially the tribal council area where they have to climb to the top of this sacrifical tower or something where the voting booth is. finally, no more annoying whispered confessionals! bobbyjon and stephenie are hot as usual.. ok nevermind no one understands this fanboy's ramblings.
From
Birches, Robert Frost
(yeah yeah i know how everyone hates him, but he does produce gems occasionally)
I'd like to get away from earth awhile
And then come back to it and begin over.
May no fate wilfully misunderstand me
And half grant what I wish and snatch me away
Not to return. Earth's the right place for love:
I don't know where it's likely to go better.i am, essentially, a loner.
but i would be happy with a lover.
and sometimes, i think that's the only thing people ever need these days in an ever-changing world where people are friends one day, acquaintances the next, and strangers soon after.
mike just took up your time at
11:40 pm
th time!