hollaback_
Sunday, July 10, 2005
okay, the minah at the NOKIA store told me that it was quite hopeless, but knowing the sentimental idiot i am, i think i'll still blow 25bucks to see if they can salvage anything for me. then again, why does it really matter to me, whether the messages are there or not. it's not like i read them everyday. i don't know why. just knowing it's there, perhaps. that you know, everytime i feel like shit i can read something that'll make me smile and give me a little bit more hope to go on.
it wouldn't be that much a loss anyway. i guess i can still remember most of it and the gist of what was written. i think. well, i guess as always, i can interpret it as symbolic. if anyone was going to talk about chapters of our lives, then i must say that book 1 (arguably 2 or 3) of this collection is ending already. (this is so
return of the native.) most of the people i know aren't going to be in my life after this year. or maybe they'll just make sporadic appearances now and then. but i must be realistic - they will not last.
so then, why should these messages last? they serve to remind only of a person who used to be, but is no longer. our relationships with each other change, what was said in the past is just (for the most part) a painful reminder of how we have evolved in relation with each other. why do i need that. most of the messages from last year (which were really the bulk actually) were gone. i might have been too stubborn to let go, but divine providence took them away from me. it wasn't really up to me. a careless toss, and everything was gone. but really - without the middle, the beginning and the end don't really make any sense as a whole. maybe i should just delete the survivors and start totally anew. it's worse to have this missing, empty chunk and try to fill in the gaps unsuccessfully.
there were long stretches of messages from some people who got totally wiped out. it's a sign that i should be letting go of them, i guess. i don't know why i like attributing so much meaning to a simple accident. it's over-analysing a situation. then again, how often do people throw their phones out the window from over 10 stories? granted, it was a mistake but still. i guess there's something to learn here (besides the obvious and practical one of downloading and utilising PCSuite in the future, which minah at NOKIA centre pronounced as
pissysoot), about not sticking unhealthily to things.
i had messages that congratulated me on drama performances, that consoled me for not getting into council, that told me what a great person i was, that told me why we couldn't be together. i suppose i treated them as milestones of sorts, besides the previous blog which i kept. now that everything's been wiped clean, not entirely of my own volition, i really should move on. and oh, rebuild my phonebook.
and am thinking of getting the
Nokia 3230 - if there's any soul that still reads this, tell me if i should get the black or the rusty red.
mike just took up your time at
6:40 pm
th time!
